A Train Ride Away

One of the things I was struck by here is how radically different a culture can be if you just take an hour train ride away. In Europe, take an hour train ride, and you can be in a brand new country, with people speaking an entirely different language, who have a unique history and ideals different from the place you just came from. 

Even when you travel just an hour within the same country, things change dramatically. For instance, I went on a day trip this weekend to Nancy, which is located in Lorraine. Despite being right next to Alsace, Nancy barley reminded me of Strasbourg. Almost everything was in a totally different style of architecture, something I was not expecting at all. Much of it was in the style of Art Nouveau—a beautiful style from the late 1800s that apparently had been very popular in Nancy. The people, along with the food, were just as different from Strasbourg.

It took me off guard how different Nancy was. Sure, I expected other parts of France to be different from Strasbourg—but I expected the “different” parts to be quite far away. At first, I thought this radical change was something totally exclusive to Europe. But then when I started reflecting on it more, I realized the exact opposite.

Cultures are just as radically different were in my own country. Because even in the United States, travel for a couple hours and you’ll find varying styles of architecture and people with values entirely different from ones an hour away. Even in small states, it’s actually rather easy to find huge difference if you go from one city to the next. Every place has its own unique history and geography that has transformed in it into the place it is today.  My own home town is basically centered around the university that exists there—go 30 minutes away and you’ll find a place that looks nothing like my own, with people who sound nothing like they sound in my home town, and where their center of being revolves around coal.

I’ve always recognized that America is actually pretty different from place to place. I’ve just never give it much thought before. But in Europe, when I encountered this, I immediately exoticized this idea of how quickly places change from one town to the next. And I can honestly say I’m not sure why I did this. Do I have a stereotype of France just being a singular culture that just enjoys croissants and wearing stripped shirts? Or am I simply finding things more fascinating because I’m in a country different from my own? I’m not really sure yet.

Now, I have to wonder if there are any other parts of “French culture” that have stood out to me as exotic simply because it’s not  what I perceive to be “American culture.” I will have to be on my guard for doing this in the future. 

Comfort

The sermon at church today was about anger and hate. It came out of Matthew 5:17-26 and it talks about how hating your brother or another human being is the same as murder. Though I did benefit from this, it was not the piece that stuck with me. The part that stuck with me was Ephesions 4:26 where the word of God tells us to be angry and sin not, and to not let the sun go down while we are angry. I am guilty of this. On Friday, I became so angry about certain condition that I went in my room and stayed there. I went to sleep and woke up the exact thing on my mind and that made me even more angry. I let it interfere with me, the me that likes to talk, the me that likes to sing, the me that likes to laugh out loud. I completely let the situation control me. So, in that, I know that I can't let uncontroble habits of people frustrate me because just like I become frustrated with others I know there is someone out there frustrated with me.
After service, I met up with a family. But while waiting on the family to finish fellowshipping I met some students. I can not recall their names but one was from Australia, there was girl from Finland that I take a class with at the EM, a few french natives, and finally, someone from Atlanta, Georgia. That was so comforting. She did not got to college in Atlanta but she did grow up there and I shared with her how I felt kind of out of place for the first couple weeks and also how I went in my room and cried. She told me that she went through something similar and assured me that I would soon get over my hump. Of coarse, I we exchanged numbers and I'm looking foward to talking to her and asking her lots of questions. She is teaching here, I think, and she has been here for over a year. That is totally inspiring and it is really nice finding people that you can relate to. So even though it has been six weeks, I'm finding a place to make a footprint. I'm going to prayer meeting at family's home on tuesday and they also have a power hour for the young christians, so I'm involving myself in activities here just like I would involve myself at home. I'm becoming French and this might be place in which come back and visit without all of the academic responsibilities. It's a drag at time.

Much Needed Walk in the Park

So, after Church today I came home and decided to  watch one of my favorite movies " All about the Benjamins". Towards the end of the movie, my phone rang. It was Petra, a new aquaintance that is becoming a friend. She says, " I'm coming over to the Chateau to get my cuttiing boards and I was going to try to get Jim and Jan to take a walk with me in the park, do you want to come?" How random is that! She is such a random person and that is just what I need because I am too structured at times. I find myself being on the extreme right, being too resposible, too senseable, and over thinking everything. So any way I met her at the gate by the restaurant, I don't want to write the name for fear of getting it wrong, and we started to walk and talk. While talking, or after talking to her, I realized that I get bothered by a lot of small stuff and I let it kind of take a way from who I am. She on the other hand, is 40 and she's worried about less than I am. Isn't that backwards. This is the time where I'm supposed to be taking my risks, learning from my mistakes and having fun, but I'm too old for my age and worried about unnecessary things. I guess I'm so worried about ruining my life that I'm not living.
Anyway I realized that I in the process of losing my old self, Little Macy, and coming into the Lady that I am supposed to be. I think that's why I become frustrated at times because I am in transition and it is difficult to know exactly what to say or do because I coming out of the Macy that I thought I was, into the Macy that I really am. I'm totally both, so I kind of don't know who I am right now. So think I'll continue to exist and slowly come into my living and enjoy this internal change despite the frustration that comes along with it.

Who is going to have enough "balls"?

Yesterday, Tyler Collins and I visited Kehl, Germany, even though it did not feel like going to another country, for me, who have had the experience of living in interlocked countries, and still needing a passport to travel in and out of those countries, namely Uganda, Tanzania and Rwanda, it felt really nice, knowing that in the EU citizens of different countries are now free to mingle with each other peacefully and without any travel documents.  You see for us from the U.S. of course moving from one state to another is very normal because of what was put in place by our Founding Fathers, so most Americans cannot understand the feeling I felt crossing into Germany, no visa required, no passport required and no different currency required, no immigration declarations and so forth.

It is hence my dream that one day, the EU will be federated like the U.S., one common currency for all, one common travel document for all and one common language for all!  This might be far fetched, but I would want to think that it is the next fundamental reform required in the EU.

Coming back to France and using our bus passes felt just simply wonderful.  The EU has achieved so much in the free movement of people, I wonder why then the Member States find it so hard to lose sovereignty.  The integration of Europe will never amount to anything much, unless Member States decide to loose their sovereignty!  Europe will be great when it is one Nation, one People, this is like asking for the impossible but that was Schman/Monnet's  idea in the first place, it has taken 50+ years to make some meaningful "baby steps", is it going to take another fifty or so years to make the next major steps?

As I read more into the EU integration, I hope I shall come across somewhere, where one of the Member States is willing and ready to lose their sovereignty, this might be the only cue other Member States are waiting for, and even though I do not know much of the politics in Europe, I hope still one Member State will be brave enough to set the ball rolling. I wish it was as simple as I am putting it, but I know of course, it is not ever going to be easy, but hey, some Member State got to have enough balls to do it, how, I do not know, but surely hope for that.

Dead as Dreams

“The best fantasy is written in the language of dreams. It is alive as dreams are alive, more real than real ... for a moment at least ... that long magic moment before we wake. Fantasy is silver and scarlet, indigo and azure, obsidian veined with gold and lapis lazuli. Reality is plywood and plastic, done up in mud brown and olive drab. Fantasy tastes of habaneros and honey, cinnamon and cloves, rare red meat and wines as sweet as summer...We read fantasy to find the colors again, I think. To taste strong spices and hear the songs the sirens sang. There is something old and true in fantasy that speaks to something deep within us, to the child who dreamt that one day he would hunt the forests of the night, and feast beneath the hollow hills, and find a love to last forever somewhere south of Oz and north of Shangri-La.

They can keep their heaven. When I die, I'd sooner go to middle Earth.”

- George R.R. Martin

I've been dreaming lately. Vivid, strange dreams that seem to carry on through the morning hours after I wake, pervading even in the afternoon, after I've had my coffee. Even now I'm dreaming. My thoughts are clouded, still wrapped in the blanket of warm sleep. Arduously meandering in the cold, like a fire that burns against the coming of winter. "Nothing burns like the cold."

What is most peculiar about these dreams, is that they should not even take place. It is as if my subconscious is consistently sending me messages in my sleep. Subtly suggesting a righteous path, unlocking caged creativity, but never with force.

Complexions, conceptions of gold wheat, lavender sky, pink synthetics, and black red blood congealing on the cracked hardwood. Snakes that bite, and glass that breaks, unleashing a boundless torrent of salamanders. Tortured wailing, imprisoned with fear. A symphony of throats. Cut yourself and see if you bleed. Are you black inside? Escape. To be alone on the shores of the lake of the falling rockets. Clutching the sand. Becoming the jagged black landscape.
The sky wept a cascade of burning orbs.



I used to dream. That was a long time ago; Before I took an SSRI which ultimately prohibits me from indulgent, creative slumber. I took these unconscious adventures for granted, dismissing them as mere frivolities with meager significance. However, it is becoming quite clear that these dreams hold a much greater purpose, of which I'm not sure if I will ever be aware. Which brings me to the conclusion that I should allow them to grow, these fantastical visions that bring me such elation when I lose myself in them. No longer will I only dream when I am awake. I've been a zombie for too long, casting a seemingly infinite shadow, decaying with every solemn breath, extinguishing the flames of my imagination. Every breath. So many moments gone to waste. I fear that without drastic change, I will continue to die rather than live.

Throttling black existence in rivers of fire and religion.
Androgynous.
These torrid visions.
I'm still dreaming.

I went to a power tools factory. I went to a strip mall. I'll take refuge in a forest today, wiser than I, old as time itself. Alone with my thoughts and my friends. What am I to make of this life, these sights and sounds?

"Learn to feel all over again.
My name is anonymous.
I taste like everyone.
Medication blurs the last five percent."
-J.R. Hayes



-Tyler Collins

The Travel Part of Traveling

            In this past week, I’ve traveled to both London and Prague.  While both were fantastic experiences, both were also extremely stressful. In, “The Art of Travel,” De Botton seems to romanticize the actual act of traveling quite a bit.  He talks about how train journeys can cause a great deal of introspectiveness into one’s self, according to him, “Journeys are the midwifes of thought.”  This didn’t exactly match with my experiences—I was too busy trying to get comfortable, go to sleep, and ignore the obnoxious snores of others on the train to both doing some intensive thinking.

                However, this doesn’t mean that my travel experiences didn’t teach me anything.  They were just quite different from what De Botton was describing in one particular section. When it comes to the actual “traveling” part of being a tourist, you have to accept that you’re going to get lost. You have to accept that things will be delayed and maybe not going according to plan. Whenever I traveled before, I was always super stressed about the whole process. However, over the past week, the constant travel has forced me to become a calmer person about the situation. Yes, thing won’t always go smoothly and according to plan, but eventually, everything will get sorted out. You’re going to get on the wrong tram, and eventually, you’ll get lost enough times that you will understand the city you’re traveling in. And since getting lost is the best way to learn a city, it’s almost necessary for the travel experience. If you want to know a place, you’re going to have to wander around a bit. 

Feeling at Home

      So finally I am starting to feel like the Château is my home. Rather than the usual traveling and running around like crazy, I have been doing absolutely nothing, which is awesome. I am settling into the normal everyday life of the people of Strasbourg. I know which bars and restaurants to go to and which stores I like. Additionally, I have finally figured out the transportation and what I am getting at the grocery store.
       With this being said, I am having a more difficult time imagining having to go back to the United States where life goes by at 100 miles per hour. I was so used to constantly working and still feeling like I was falling behind to a pace here where I still feel like I am learning but at a relaxed pace. For once, I feel like I can breathe and fulfill my tasks at a normal pace.
      I realize that the normal French person does not live at a château and go to school three days a week with nothing else to do but I have found myself being bored a lot of the time. Not the bad kind of bored where I want to be somewhere else but the kind of bored where I don't have deadlines hanging over my head. I am sure that December will feel much different but I am okay with that.
-Rachel Cooper