Manifesting the Raging Beast

Well, I'm finally here. All of the anticipation, frustration, inoculation...over with. I'm in France: my dream country; The place where I one day hope to live, to flourish in the ancient culture, to escape my former mundane existence in America. This is a time of self discovery for me, as I left home with the aspirations of becoming a new man. Spreading my wings, rising from the ashes of my past failures as a phoenix, a shining beacon of inspiration for my friends and family back in Charles Town. Profundity, truth, love, motivation: All things that I wish to obtain simply by taking a plane, drinking fine wine and eating some stinky cheese. An eight hour layover and some embarrassing failed french conversations later, and I have obtained all of these goals. Yep, I'm a different person. I've kicked the drugs, gained a little self respect, and even made a few friends. Ok, so maybe I'm not the erudite, cultured philosopher that I had envisioned, but I'm getting there.

I lied...I'm not really sure what I feel at the moment. All I know is that there is still an aching in my stomach accompanied by a tempestuous confusion that shakes me to my core. Perhaps it's the manifestation of the my raging beast, dying to be freed. Perhaps it's simply the exorbitant amount of cheese and bread that I've been consuming as of late. How in the hell are these people so skinny? If there is anything I've been explicitly philosophizing about, it has been that. I don't mean to go on a tangent, but it bothers me. Some call America a culture of sheer indulgence. To this I say, have you EATEN a French croissant?

But I digress. I'm supposed to talk about my "experiences". So...where do I start? The first week was absolutely jam packed with excursions. If someone would have informed me of this mid-flight to France, I would have hijacked the plane and parallel parked that sucker right between my Honda Civic and the dilapidated pick up truck rooted in front of my house back  in West Virginia. However, as is typical, I was wrong, and in retrospect, most of these excursions were unquestionably delightful and equally as enlightening. The two events that stand out in my mind are the trip down the Alsatian Rue de Vin, and the wonderfully orchestrated scavenger hunt through the Foret de la Robertsau. To be more specific, my favorite little village on the "wine road" was Kaysersberg, where the vines pervade throughout the sloping landscape, and the castles come to life! Well, not really, but I'm pretty sure I was the only one in our group to climb to the top of the 13th century cylindrical tower overlooking the unspoiled vineyards and quaint villages so vital to the culture and sustainability of the productive region. From there I could see everything, and I asserted my dominance over the town of Kaysersburg as its new king and supreme ruler. Afterward, I descended down to the tour bus, but not before buying a bottle of water at the bus stop vending machine, and relinquishing my crown.


The scavenger hunt was another must-do outing. This is one of those events scheduled by the Chateau that seemed childish and unnecessary at first, but in retrospect was an unforgettable experience. I am an outdoorsman. I love to camp, bike and climb. The solitude of a forest is my ultimate sanctuary, and let me tell you; This forest did not disappoint. Things in particular that struck me were was the utter absence of trash, the clarity of the water, and the diversity of the flora and fauna in the forest. NEVER had I seen water so clear, so transparent that if it wasn't for the occasional ripple or wave, I wouldn't have known it was there.I had to jump in. Though I was soaked, I trudged on. I asked my homeboy Zach to hold my wallet, and my group continued on and off the beaten paths , the wind in our hair and pristine wilderness all around us. I returned to the Chateau refreshed and elated. That bike ride was exactly what I needed.


And still I am abashed. I can't seem to shake this uneasy feeling of apprehension in my new country despite the wonderful trips and activities I've taken part in up to this point. It's as if I'm constantly having a premonition of my impending demise. I should stop and mention that this is pretty much always how I feel. If I'm truly going to embrace this experience, I need to force myself to let go of all that I hate. In order to accomplish all of the things that I initially set out to do, I am convinced that I need to observe, to learn, and ultimately to change myself and my outlook on life. I want to make friends, I want to go to "da club" (at least once), to leave my introverted nature, my worries and my insecurities rotting on the side of the wine road. I need to change. I need to learn how to live. I need to manifest my raging beast. 


-Tyler Collins