On Anticipation

"It is easy to forget ourselves when we contemplate pictorial and verbal descriptions of places. At home, as my eyes had panned over photographs of Barbados, there were no reminders that those eyes were intimately tied to a body and mind which would travel with me wherever I went and that might, over time, assert their presence in ways that would threaten or even negate the purpose of what the eyes had come there to see." (page 20)
      There are always expectations involved when traveling, especially when you will be living in one place for over three months. I anticipated living in the Château and riding my bike to school on a daily basis. Beyond that, I had no idea what I was in for. All I knew was that I wanted to be somewhere completely out of my comfort zone and away from everyone I knew for a while to really understand more about myself. The goal was to not let myself get in the way of my adventures, unlike Botton in this passage.
    With all this being said, I am currently more confused about my future than I ever have been because I have left my normal inhibitions in the U.S. The thing is, I am totally okay with it! My completely planned out future has now become - how do I come back? Should I sell my car? I have even considered selling my eggs to a fertility clinic to pay for another study abroad trip. I realized that I not having a plan is the best way for me to live at this point in my life. I didn't anticipate feeling anything like this but it's times like this that make it all worth it.
- Rachel Cooper